Eight months gone by

It was at the beginning of June 2006 that I packed up and embarked upon this rather audacious adventure. While I’d gone to Europe myself in 2004, at 19, and started college at 17 in 2002, this was moving… permanently… to a new city and state, with absolutely nobody I knew. I took finals early, skipped commencement, and arrived at the Crowne Plaza after three days of driving.

This presented the potential for plenty to go awry, and certainly, there’s a lot that has been unexpected. But I can’t say that there’s been anything that hasn’t gone “according to plan,” because really, there never was a plan. And I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Coming in, I definitely saw this as a two-year commitment. I’m always willing to say that my options are open, and if you’re close to me, you know that I’ve been quite indecisive on many things over the years. But being here for longer than the two years wasn’t really in my intentions at all; this was time to decide what to study in grad school, learn a lot and help out in the meantime. To some extent, I guess it still is: I’m not going to be a teacher for my entire life (though, of course… I keep my options open). But I’m not any closer to knowing what I want to study as a graduate student. Given the fact that grad school’s a pretty hefty cost, and one that I’ll be shouldering this time, I’m not eager to start a program I’m unsure about.

I’ve always kinda been the “kid who was over his head,” socially if not academically. I’ll be 22 in March with almost a full year of work experience and two B.A. degrees. What that’s meant, though, is that it’s taken me longer to adjust socially, to figure out what the real expectations are, to read between the lines of my role. I’m not sure if that’s just my nature or if it’s due to being behind agewise throughout my life… perhaps both. Anyway, I figure there’s no reason to hurry this time. I want to learn to do something well, and actually do it for a while before getting rushed away for the next step in a breakneck life.

I did the right thing in joining TFA. As I’ve commented before, I do enjoy the teaching, when the kids don’t horribly frustrate me. I think it’s still hard for me to identify with where some of them are coming from… I just really haven’t had the same home life as they have and I still think of “home” as someplace where parents make sure you do your work. I don’t realize what these kids have been exposed to at their age. But I do feel like I’m doing something good. There are lots of bad teachers. I’m not at the bottom, and I think my kids can have success academically this year. What does that mean for their future? I’ve got no idea right now.

So, that adds up to this: yes, I’m seriously considering staying in Houston beyond two years to be a good teacher, to really get involved in the community, and try to turn some kids into good learners. That’s something my current students aren’t.

What has teaching taught me? Communication… I’m definitely still learning that lesson. But I’ve always been pretty timid and shy when I’m not comfortable. Then people get surprised by my forwardness. I tend to avoid confrontation, which makes things worse. I’m getting better at all of this, attacking problems head-on.

I can prioritize somewhat better, and getting better all the time. Still work to be done, to be sure. As for organization, I’ve certainly made strides. I may still seem physically disorganized, but there’s a method to it now, and I’m working towards environmental sustainability of my own physical environment, in the limited time I have when I’m not keeling over from exhaustion, preparing for class, or blogging/reading blogs (my main weakness these days).

So again… teaching has been the right thing for me… it will hopefully, on balance, be a good thing for my students… and I’ve met some amazing people in Houston who I know I will always be in touch with. I’ve made my share of mistakes, but I’m a better person now, a more ready person, a more efficient person, and a more determined person, than I was when I left Seattle. And I’m happy for that.